Bhaai, Bros And The Bandhan of promising Raksha…

I grew up amid a lot of bhaai-s, first cousin bhaai-s, second cousin bhaai-s and their respective cousin bhaai-s. My mom told me that she knew roughly 50 bhaai-s I had. I myself knew some cousin in ashok vihar, someone in munirka, some other relative in greater kailash and so on, almost in every corner of NCR.

So basically I believed that Delhi, pardon me, NCR is MY PLACE, that I was safe there and that there are very high chances that if a random guy ever tries to mess with me, some random bhaai of mine will kick his ass.

For all my bhaai-s, I was a “Good Girl”. Raksha bandhan was a shopping spree of its own unique kind. I’d send rakshis and vermilion rice, wrote long letters to all my relatives, telling them mostly about my studies and classmates. And it used to rain and I used to thank God for showering his blessings on me and keeping me safe by being there for me always in the human form of so many bhaais I had.

Childhood is time of happy days of ignorance bliss.

But times change, people change. And by my experience, time always, always changes for good.

 And so I came outta the safety net of my bhaai’s protection and into the real world. Where boys were just classmates or colleagues and not brothers, friends were just friends and not brothers, even if they said they want to be more-than-friends, they most definitely dint mean they want to be brothers. You could tie a friendship band on their wrists but this species will suddenly migrate to some unknown land near mid of August. It was okay for them to make fun of you and they dint kick anyone’s ass if they tried to make fun of you either. If you give them a friendly punch, you receive a friendly punch too. If you eat out, you share the bill. If you like something for yourself when you go shopping with them, You pay the bill. You also share the autorickshaw bill. They wont judge you if you booze with them and some will offer to drop you home safely if its late. Its okay for them to sit at the back seat while you ride your activa. Its okay if they have a crush on you, you can talk about that like adults. And if they don’t, you can tell them all about the cute guy you have a crush on. They may even step in to help you. Like many single-in-the-city newly-made-confident girls of my time, who started believing they could take care of themselves, I somehow liked the latter arrangement with men better and hassle free. These men made amazing friends, much better than my other girl friends (I know almost all the girls I know, will agree).

But I don’t know how, I suddenly became “Not A Good Girl” for my “bhaais”. I don’t know by what, they felt offended, as if THEY were proved weak, now that I started taking my own decisions. I don’t know when, they decided I am not the same sister material anymore and I have no fucking clue why, they all started blaming me for “misusing my freedom”…

I was confused, they were so proud whenever I managed to get “highest marks” even in class tests, now they were blaming it all on my education. They taught me how to ride a bicycle and now they hated me for owning a vehicle of my own coz that made it convenient for me to go “anywhere anytime”. A banker cousin of mine suggested that I should take a flight to home twice a month coz “girls just do their jobs for fun and my future husband can worry about savings”. They mesmerized my imaginations by telling me endless stories of their tours across the world, but to cover 15 mins distance between Delhi Airport and home, their egos will get hurt if I took a taxi and come by myself. I can tell them my wishlist on the things I want to do in MY life, but a male member (elder or younger, doesn’t matter) should have the final say.

…

In parallel universe, some lucky sisters were blessed with brothers, custom made more suitable for our times, called bros. Big bros and small bros. Bros, who were their partners in crime.

Big bros were protective by default but refrained from checking their messages, whatsapp and facebook accounts. They tried to understand their sister’s outlook, gave their suggestions when required, but respected her decision anyway. With their maturity, they acted as a bridge to fill the generation gap between her and the parents and made sure she faced less of the teenage hardships he faced while dealing with the parents. But they made sure the little sister also fights her own unique battle and learn by her own mistakes. And when she came out a winner, they gave their cheerful hi-5 and said, “You Go Girl!”…

And there were small bros, who basically minded their own business. They never tried to interfere in the sisters life and pretend to be protective for her just coz they were “the man”. They were affectionate and occasionally asked for extra pocket money. They truly believed that since, the sister is elder and is more experienced, she will protect them from a situation if need be and not the other way round. They believed in her capabilities and respected her decisions. They treated her exactly the way they wud have treated an elder bro and were not swayed by anyone who told them that they are the “ghar ka ladka".

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For a lucky few, if you had a real bro, your life must have been super easy and you would have never had to explain yourself to anyone. To all such lucky girls and their bros, Happy Rakshabandhan . You guys are blessed to enjoy this festival in its true spirit.  

For not-so-lucky others, Gals, you have come a long way. Trust me, even people who don’t approve of you, secretly wish they had the guts to be like you. So always wear your attitude, love your lovely self and rock the world like you’ve always had.

And finally to all the "bhaai’s" , Guys! life is what happens AFTER you are out of your make-believe world of fake dominance. I hope that happens for you soon…Cheers!!!